Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
