you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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