Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize