she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
