wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
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