good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
