What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Randomize
