Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize