I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
