The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
