On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
