cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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