He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
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