saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
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