how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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