I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
