i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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