Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
