Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
