Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
