Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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