i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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