I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
