Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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