ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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