Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
