do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
