$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
