This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
