i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
