I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Randomize
