Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
