i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
