Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
