I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
