Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
