have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
