she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
