yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
