..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
