I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
