the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
