if you like me you must not know who I am
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
