I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Randomize
