you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
