Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
