i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
