grandma shit on top of the toilet
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
my being single is dangerous.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
