friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
