This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
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