she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize