im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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