My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
