Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
