just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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