Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Randomize
