Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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