im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
