Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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