Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
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