Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
