We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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