Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
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