Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
