He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
In other news, I just burned my penis
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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