So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
