Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
