Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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