i'm lost and i look like a hooker
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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