Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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