You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize