I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
