Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
