I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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