can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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