The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
