Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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