We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I look excited, but its just a facade.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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