is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize