Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize