My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
