i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
