I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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