You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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