U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
