who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
